Walking the Straight Line
Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you are to become who you will be. -- Carrie Bradshaw
Lately I've had the urge to take a risk... to leave the country for a little bit and see where the wind takes me. Oh all right, I admit, I have this urge every month... perhaps every three weeks. But lately, it's been a real strong feeling.. almost like a NEED to do something "unlike me."
Sometimes I feel as if I've always walked the straight line.. I've done everything properly and although it's paid off in many ways, I always wonder what it would be like if I had strayed in one part of my life at one point or another. What if I had skipped a few classes in high school? What if I had done a few drugs? What if I had dated a few more guys?
I used to go to church every day...in other words, I had the fear of God instilled in me and always felt as if He was watching me and so I tried my best never to do things that I'd regret later...but in the midst of all that good-doing and walking the straight line, I sometimes feel as if I've missed out. So I've never done something that wasn't expected of me...
So right now, what's expected of me if finishing school, getting a job, getting married, having babies and living happily ever after. I can't help but think that if I walk that straight line.. in that order, I might spend the rest of my life wondering what I could have become.
Seb says that the biggest challenge in life is being grateful for what you have and not wondering what else is out there - the grass will always seem greener. I think a lot about what he says because I know it's the truth. We live in a society that tells us we can all be better people, that we can all be prettier, taller, skinnier, richer, more popular, more successful, etc. etc.
I'm torn. I don't know what the next best move is...at what point do you have enough and at what point do you have to let go of everything you worked so hard to create for yourself....for something that may or may not be what you want?
Lately I've had the urge to take a risk... to leave the country for a little bit and see where the wind takes me. Oh all right, I admit, I have this urge every month... perhaps every three weeks. But lately, it's been a real strong feeling.. almost like a NEED to do something "unlike me."
Sometimes I feel as if I've always walked the straight line.. I've done everything properly and although it's paid off in many ways, I always wonder what it would be like if I had strayed in one part of my life at one point or another. What if I had skipped a few classes in high school? What if I had done a few drugs? What if I had dated a few more guys?
I used to go to church every day...in other words, I had the fear of God instilled in me and always felt as if He was watching me and so I tried my best never to do things that I'd regret later...but in the midst of all that good-doing and walking the straight line, I sometimes feel as if I've missed out. So I've never done something that wasn't expected of me...
So right now, what's expected of me if finishing school, getting a job, getting married, having babies and living happily ever after. I can't help but think that if I walk that straight line.. in that order, I might spend the rest of my life wondering what I could have become.
Seb says that the biggest challenge in life is being grateful for what you have and not wondering what else is out there - the grass will always seem greener. I think a lot about what he says because I know it's the truth. We live in a society that tells us we can all be better people, that we can all be prettier, taller, skinnier, richer, more popular, more successful, etc. etc.
I'm torn. I don't know what the next best move is...at what point do you have enough and at what point do you have to let go of everything you worked so hard to create for yourself....for something that may or may not be what you want?
posted by Mandy Lam at
1:51 AM
3 Comments:
Dear Mandy,
I have a confession to make. Your friends and aquaintences have see through your facade--we realize you're human, imperfect and flawed, and...we love it.
These "expectations" exist within yourself--exist within all of us, this program we all contain to work with a timeline and order---but it's all bullshit: "We plan and God laughs"
The grass is appears greener and sometimes it is! Sometimes it isn't but it's not even about the colour it's about the risk and adventure in the seeking the answer!
Break from yourself Mandy! You can do anything you put your mind to, as long as you pursue happiness, truth and peace.
NBL,
By
Nadie, at 3:16 PM
ummm take the plunge don't do drugs don't even think of trying drugs now ! drugs are stupid, don;t even try a cigarette cigarettes are stupid i'm nerd but i haven;t always walked the staight line and soemtimes i wish i had, but i've saved myself from alot of shit, anyway if you arre happy now keep on goign if not find something //// something BUT NOT DRUGS LOL
By
alf, at 11:39 PM
hahaha - Thanks Alf. Nad, Va and I were talking the other day and I don't even know where to get drugs if I wanted to try them!! Gees...
So.. I won't be doing drugs anytime soon - don't worry! lol.
By
Mandy Lam, at 11:27 AM
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