Is Marriage the Answer?
SS and I decided to get away for the weekend so we ventured out at 5am on Saturday morning and headed towards the Bruce Peninsula for a night of camping out under the stars. What started off as a wonderful idea turned out to be a day filled with unfortunate arguing and mood swings. Like the unearthly weather that kept giving us a taste of summer and then taking it away in the very next instant, our temperaments reflected the temperature.
And, of course, when angry I began to question the level of commitment that he has for me even though I know that he adores me. It seems as though the doubt that I have is drawn out from past experiences, past knowledge, and poor examples of love. It is more convenient for me to question my own relationship based on the results of relationships of others...does he love me? are we meant to be? what if.. what if...?
Part of it is my immaturity and part of it is because of past events of our relationship...but that night, in front of the fire while he held my hand and we sipped on Vodka coolers, he asked me, "Do you think that you'll stop doubting my commitment to you if we get married?" And for a moment, it hit me and I answered him: "No." Marriage won't solve a thing. Although the idea is wonderful and I look forward to the day we can make that promise to each other, I know that marriage alone cannot erase the doubt that took me 23 years to build!
You see...a lot of times, we bring all of our past into our present relationships...lessons about love we learned while we grew up, while we learned to love others. I think with time will come the maturity level that will allow me to see past all the mistakes - my own and of others.. and have a newfound faith in love.
I've said this to many people - I don't believe that any man can love a woman for the rest of her life...I don't believe men are capable of that level of commitment...and I think this idea comes from my own experiences and life examples... but like I told SS over the weekend as we talked over the fire... he slowly changes my mind everyday...
I think everybody needs to reach a realization of their own before marriage can be discussed...and I believe that you "just know" when you're meant to be with someone... it's everything else in between that is the hard part...the merging of two hearts is not always the simplest thing to do... and marriage won't just automatically solve everything.
And, of course, when angry I began to question the level of commitment that he has for me even though I know that he adores me. It seems as though the doubt that I have is drawn out from past experiences, past knowledge, and poor examples of love. It is more convenient for me to question my own relationship based on the results of relationships of others...does he love me? are we meant to be? what if.. what if...?
Part of it is my immaturity and part of it is because of past events of our relationship...but that night, in front of the fire while he held my hand and we sipped on Vodka coolers, he asked me, "Do you think that you'll stop doubting my commitment to you if we get married?" And for a moment, it hit me and I answered him: "No." Marriage won't solve a thing. Although the idea is wonderful and I look forward to the day we can make that promise to each other, I know that marriage alone cannot erase the doubt that took me 23 years to build!
You see...a lot of times, we bring all of our past into our present relationships...lessons about love we learned while we grew up, while we learned to love others. I think with time will come the maturity level that will allow me to see past all the mistakes - my own and of others.. and have a newfound faith in love.
I've said this to many people - I don't believe that any man can love a woman for the rest of her life...I don't believe men are capable of that level of commitment...and I think this idea comes from my own experiences and life examples... but like I told SS over the weekend as we talked over the fire... he slowly changes my mind everyday...
I think everybody needs to reach a realization of their own before marriage can be discussed...and I believe that you "just know" when you're meant to be with someone... it's everything else in between that is the hard part...the merging of two hearts is not always the simplest thing to do... and marriage won't just automatically solve everything.
posted by Mandy Lam at
3:14 PM
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