“New and Improved”

When I talk to my xbf, I’m reminded of all the reasons why we broke up. So I don’t understand why on earth people who break up get back together. I mean, if you’ve tried it once and the results were bad, why would you do it again? Sure, nobody wants to be a person who “gives up” but come on, why go through it all over again?

While speaking to my wise friend Nad, she made me realize that a lot of times, the only reason an ex becomes appealing again is when something’s changed – when you can see a “new and improved” person. Suddenly, it’s worth a second shot. Well, that just opened my eyes to another situation.

When SS and I got together, his xgf could not stop contacting him to update him on her life and how much she’s accomplished. I couldn’t understand for the life of me WHY she would do that. In fact, she STILL does that. Well, well, well…perhaps somebody wants to appear “new and improved!” She went back to school, bought a car, got a job, etc. – things she couldn’t achieve while they were together. Perhaps she needs the validation from him – to show him that she WAS worth it and is capable of becoming the right person for someone.

My xbf does the same thing… but I cannot see him in a different light. I have to admit, I have wondered about my xbf from time to time – wondering how he’s doing and what he looks like. Of course, I don’t have to wonder too much because when we chat, I get updates and he keeps me in the loop about how he’s looking. And honestly…I don’t think I’d ever give it another chance. I mean, how could I? When I was with him, I was always waiting around for him to change… and now that he’s somewhat the person I wanted almost four years ago, I want something different now.

So now when I think back, I wonder: “What was so appealing?” Was it his charm? Was it his clean look? Was it his piercing green eyes? And are all those things worth another chance? Ummm.. no. Sorry…what’s in the past is in the past… and I’m not looking for someone “new and improved.”