On the Issue of Meeting the Family…
So I’ve been with SS for a little over 2 years now (yes, I know it seems a bit longer than that – but that’s a whole other story) and he’s been invited to my cousin Quan’s wedding in August. Sure, it’s a great thing, considering he has not met anybody outside of my immediate family (except for Quan during a trip to the Detroit Auto Show), but it makes me extremely nervous.
Considering the fact that my x-bf of 4 years didn’t even meet my grandparents (on my dad’s side) and it took me 2 years to even introduce him to my parents (gulp)…this is a huge step for me. It’s been so different with SS—he met my parents very early and they have responded to him better than he or I ever expected. My immediate family adores him and frequently asks about him…but I’m afraid the traditional beliefs of my extended family may not render as positive responses…
First off, they don’t really know that I’ve been dating SS, mainly because I’m not really close to my extended family. I visit my grandparents every so often and I run into my aunts, uncles and cousins there when we have family gatherings. Every time I’m there, I am asked so many questions about whether or not I’m dating or whether I’d like to be set up (shudder). Their thing is: If they haven’t yet seen a face, they don’t think it’s that serious. In the Chinese tradition, you don’t bring someone home unless you’re sure it’s going to be a long-term thing.
Quan thinks I’m being ridiculous because she has seen how our family has reacted to her fiancé, Shane, who is Canadian. What she doesn’t know is that the family kind of sees her as a Chinese woman who’s lost her identity and has assimilated to the Western culture. As much as I’d like to defend her, I know that this adaptation is involuntary and unavoidable for all of us who immigrate to Canada. It’s inevitable…and as much as I’d like to preserve my own culture…I am no longer in Vietnam and do not share the same customs and beliefs. I can only create my own culture and make my own choices… and they’re not WRONG… just different from those who came before me.
I know SS is great and my family loves him so why wouldn’t the rest of them love him, right? I guess the thing I’m most afraid of is having to explain my choices to my extended family…this is a huge thing for me, considering I’ve never brought a bf home to meet them before. But as SS and I are becoming more serious, I know that I’m going to have to eventually introduce him.
Considering the fact that my x-bf of 4 years didn’t even meet my grandparents (on my dad’s side) and it took me 2 years to even introduce him to my parents (gulp)…this is a huge step for me. It’s been so different with SS—he met my parents very early and they have responded to him better than he or I ever expected. My immediate family adores him and frequently asks about him…but I’m afraid the traditional beliefs of my extended family may not render as positive responses…
First off, they don’t really know that I’ve been dating SS, mainly because I’m not really close to my extended family. I visit my grandparents every so often and I run into my aunts, uncles and cousins there when we have family gatherings. Every time I’m there, I am asked so many questions about whether or not I’m dating or whether I’d like to be set up (shudder). Their thing is: If they haven’t yet seen a face, they don’t think it’s that serious. In the Chinese tradition, you don’t bring someone home unless you’re sure it’s going to be a long-term thing.
Quan thinks I’m being ridiculous because she has seen how our family has reacted to her fiancé, Shane, who is Canadian. What she doesn’t know is that the family kind of sees her as a Chinese woman who’s lost her identity and has assimilated to the Western culture. As much as I’d like to defend her, I know that this adaptation is involuntary and unavoidable for all of us who immigrate to Canada. It’s inevitable…and as much as I’d like to preserve my own culture…I am no longer in Vietnam and do not share the same customs and beliefs. I can only create my own culture and make my own choices… and they’re not WRONG… just different from those who came before me.
I know SS is great and my family loves him so why wouldn’t the rest of them love him, right? I guess the thing I’m most afraid of is having to explain my choices to my extended family…this is a huge thing for me, considering I’ve never brought a bf home to meet them before. But as SS and I are becoming more serious, I know that I’m going to have to eventually introduce him.
posted by Mandy Lam at
3:30 PM
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