Apology to a Friend
I am sitting here reminiscing about the past. Past friendships, past acquantainces, past loves... and I'm wondering if I have any regrets. Sometimes it appears as if I've got my head on so straight you could use it as a level to hang a picture, but my friends, it isn't so. There are a few regrets I'd like to share with you.
I am guilty of being judgemental. I am guilty of closing doors I wish I could open once again. Sometimes I'm so headstrong in my beliefs that I state them out loud without thinking and in doing so, I'm saying "NO" to many conversations that can occur between two friends. I have been told numerous times that people look up to me...that perhaps I should be careful what I say in conversation. Often, I brush it off and say, "Well, I've always been blunt - don't come to me if you don't want honesty." This honesty, I realize, comes at a price.
At times, I think I've got it all figured out. In controversy, I think I know where I stand...I say things like, "This is what I think...but I'm sure others don't share the same opinion." What I've realized is...when you start off so strong without hearing what the other person has to say, you're already telling them what you want to hear and what they are allowed to talk about.
Listening...is difficult. I try my best to be a good listener...and I thought that I was doign people a favour by telling them my opinions...but what I've realized is: Sometimes people just want you to listen...leave your opinions at the door because sometimes...as a friend you have to learn how to be supportive. You never know when a friend just needs to talk to you, not have you talk back.
Dear Friend...I am sorry. All those years we met at the busstop and we talked about love, life and friendship. I was not your friend, smug in my own beliefs that only made me feel better about myself. When you needed me, I was not there. You could not come to me and for that, I am sorry. I used to pride myself in thinking I was always there for you...and now that we hardly talk, I realize... it took two. I know the part I played...and I am sorry.
I am guilty of being judgemental. I am guilty of closing doors I wish I could open once again. Sometimes I'm so headstrong in my beliefs that I state them out loud without thinking and in doing so, I'm saying "NO" to many conversations that can occur between two friends. I have been told numerous times that people look up to me...that perhaps I should be careful what I say in conversation. Often, I brush it off and say, "Well, I've always been blunt - don't come to me if you don't want honesty." This honesty, I realize, comes at a price.
At times, I think I've got it all figured out. In controversy, I think I know where I stand...I say things like, "This is what I think...but I'm sure others don't share the same opinion." What I've realized is...when you start off so strong without hearing what the other person has to say, you're already telling them what you want to hear and what they are allowed to talk about.
Listening...is difficult. I try my best to be a good listener...and I thought that I was doign people a favour by telling them my opinions...but what I've realized is: Sometimes people just want you to listen...leave your opinions at the door because sometimes...as a friend you have to learn how to be supportive. You never know when a friend just needs to talk to you, not have you talk back.
Dear Friend...I am sorry. All those years we met at the busstop and we talked about love, life and friendship. I was not your friend, smug in my own beliefs that only made me feel better about myself. When you needed me, I was not there. You could not come to me and for that, I am sorry. I used to pride myself in thinking I was always there for you...and now that we hardly talk, I realize... it took two. I know the part I played...and I am sorry.
posted by Mandy Lam at
9:37 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home